Postal Dude

This is a sub-page of Postal 2/Unused Voice Acting.

And you were just a scroll away from being fired too...

Oh dear, I do believe I have the vapors.
This page contains content that is not safe for work or other locations with the potential for personal embarrassment.
Such as: Audio vulgarity.

To do:
More where these came from.

Scratch Track#

Present in DudeDialog.uax is an audio file called dude_scratch_temp.wav. It appears to be one of the developers reading off various Postal Dude lines, presumably as a placeholder before Rick Hunter was brought in.

Idle Lines#

The Dude was meant to comment around the town or attempt to annoy the player if player stayed passive for a period of time. These are all present in the scripts as lDude_RandomLevel.

(Source: 1)

Sound	Dialogue
	Hmm. Nothing a coat of paint and some antibiotics can't cure.
	Gyah, I feel like I'll get hepatitis if I touch anything in this fucking town.
	Geez, if the sheriff turns out to be Don Knotts I'm gonna kill everyone and then myself.
	Does my voice annoy you?
	Does my voice annoy you?
	No really, does the sound of my voice get on your nerves? It bugs me sometimes!

Queues#

Playing as a pacifist involves a lot of lengthy, deliberately agitating lines to buy things. These are all present in the scripts as lDude_LongLine.

Sound	Dialogue	Notes
	Hmm, a long line. I suppose it was inevitable.	Used in the Paradise Lost release trailer.
	Geez, looks like a goddamn town meeting.
	Hooo, that's gonna be quite a wait.
	Don't these people have jobs?
	Crap, looks like everyone in town had the same idea.

Quest Dialogue#

Miscellaneous#

Sound	Dialogue	Notes
	What for? All the cars in this town seem to be props anyway.	Present in the scripts as `lDude_PayTraffic2`.
	Ahh. Now you can't say I never gave you anything for Father's Day.	Not present in the scripts, but likely would've been used for the "Piss on Dad" task on Wednesday. Restored in the v5100 update for when you complete the task.
	These better be damn fine steaks for all that bullshit!	Present in the scripts as `lDude_FindSteaks`.
	Hey, Ayatollah, how about some service over here?	Alternate take of used line.
	Oh great, now my day is complete.	Ditto; also present in the scripts as `lDude_RobbersShowUp`.

The Apocalypse#

Presumably, these lines were meant for the original version of the apocalypse (according to an unused map overlay), which would've had the Dude navigate a pre-determined path back to his trailer.

Sound	Dialogue
	Man, this apocalypse is some heavy shit.
	Mm, lemme fix that.
	I better get my ass home before some psycho shoots it off.
	Hmm, this seems like a good route.
	Damn, looks like it's not gonna be so easy to get home this time.
	Shit, how far away do I live, anyway?

Lucky Ganesh#

Sound	Dialogue	Notes
	You just know there's gonna be some variety of pickled testicles in here somewhere.	Present in the scripts as `lDude_enterhabibstestes`.
	I knew it!	Present in the scripts as `lDude_seeTestes`.
	I knew it!
	Well I guess I don't have to pay now.	Present in the scripts as `lDude_KillHabib`.
	Well I guess I don't have to pay now.

Fee Of America#

Sound	Dialogue	Notes
	Damn, who will cash my check now? Maybe I'll cash it myself in the vault.	Present in the scripts as `lDude_KillBankTeller`.
	Damn, who will cash my check now? Maybe I'll go cash it myself in the vault.

Grossman's Arcade#

At some point in development there were plans for an errand where you deliver something to the arcade on Main Street, causing the police to surround it.

Sound	Dialogue
	I better drop this off at the arcade before anything bad happens to it.

The Library#

Both of these are present in the scripts as lDude_DropOffBook.

Sound	Dialogue
300px	I was wondering where the dropbox is, probably way in the back.
300px	I was wondering where the dropbox is, probably way in the back.
300px	Stupid book, Gary Coleman's autobiography would've been more interesting.

Gary Coleman#

Sound	Dialogue	Notes
	I can relate, bro!	Present in the scripts as `lDude_GaryBullhorn`.
	Oops, botched that one! I wonder how much his remains would go for on eBay...	`lDude_KillGary` is in the scripts, but does not reference this line.

Damage#

Sound	Dialogue	Notes
	Ugh, I knew shouldn't've smoked that crap.
	Ah, that's gonna be sore tomorrow.	Alternate take of used line.
	Oofh, my nads.	Ditto.
	(grunts)

Healing#

Sound	Dialogue	Notes
	Ah, that's the stuff.	Alternate take of used line.

Taunts#

Things the Dude was supposed to say after, well, going postal.

Miscellaneous#

Sound	Dialogue	Notes
	Gimme some money!
	I'm so wrong.
	I'm so wrong.
	Go long!	Present in the scripts as `lDude_ThrowGrenade`.
	Here, catch!	Ditto.
	I'm sorry, I meant to do this.	Commented out in the script with the line "This line needs to be when he just hurts someone, but we don't have enough of those, maybe?"
	I got your affirmative action!	Present in the scripts as `lDude_ShootMinorities`.
	Sorry folks, the Bible backs me up on this one!	Present in the scripts as `lDude_ShootGays`.

Reused People#

The Dude was meant to comment on the game's lack of variety of NPC models. These are all present in the scripts as lDude_ReusedPeople.

Sound	Dialogue
	Damn, do all these people look alike, or what?
	Definitely some inbreeding going on here.
	Holy shit! I'm not racist! These people really DO all look alike!
	Hey look! It's Uncle Dad!
	Grandfather of Jimmy Joe Billy Bob, cousin of Johnny Joe Billy Jimbo Bob!
	Would it be safe to say your family tree is a Mobius loop?

Bums#

Lines for when the Dude killed a bum. These are all present in the scripts as lDude_ShootBum.

Sound	Dialogue
	Here's some lead for YOU to recycle!
	Here's your tax relief!

Elders#

Lines for when the Dude killed the scrapped elderly people. These are all present in the scripts as lDude_ShootOlds.

Sound	Dialogue
	Hey, I know, you've fallen and you can't get up.
	Right about now I'll bet you feel pretty silly putting all that money into your IRA!
	Just call me Dr. Euthanasia.
	Ohhh, medicare ain't covering that!

Getting Lost#

A few lines the Dude would've said if he encountered a roadblock.

Sound	Dialogue
	Damn I'm an idiot, maybe I should check the map.
	Shit, bet if I had looked at the map I'd known this was blocked.

Last Words#

Lines presumably for when the Dude commits suicide. One of these is a copy of the "I regret nothing" line, but named dude_alliwantedwas.wav. These are all present in the scripts as lLastWords.

Sound	Dialogue
	If there were stricter gun laws, this sort of thing wouldn't happen.
	Can't we all just get along?

Jailbreaking#

These lines were meant to play when the Dude escaped from jail. These are all referenced in the scripts as lDude_EscapeJail.

Sound	Dialogue	Notes
	Ah, jail, a small slice of urine-stained heaven... with a little sodomy on the side.
	I'm bored already!
	No jail can hold me!
	Oh look, they left the door unlocked!	Commented out with the line "Makes no sense".
	Hey, they left the door unlocked again!
	Maybe I should try to escape.

Doing Something Cool#

These lines are all present in the scripts as lDude_DidSomethingCool. What exactly "something cool" means in this context is not known.

Sound	Dialogue
	Well, who'da thought that would happen!
	That's definitely gonna be on my permanent record.
	Gee, that wasn't so awful.

Miscellaneous#

Sound	Dialogue	Notes
	Well these errands aren't gonna do themselves.	Not used because Monday's errand list ends on a loading screen and immediately transitions into gameplay.

Unknown#

Sound	Dialogue
	I didn't expect that.
	Did I ask for cheese?
	No, more.
	He didn't... I didn't...
	Hey, Liberace, catch!
	I'd like a hot number two to go.
	Geez, people must've been pissin' on that wall for a thousand years.

Removed Voice Lines#

DudeDialog.uc references two removed lines. These are dude_iseedeadpeople.wav, referenced in lDude_KillWithMelee and lDude_KillWithProjectile, and dude_itsyourluckyday.wav, referenced in lDude_Bum. As confirmed by lead RWS designer Marphy Black, the first one was meant to be a random kill line and was said "I see dead people… lots of 'em", and the bum line was part of a scrapped conversation where a bum would ask "I really don't mean to bother you, but I just need some gas money" and then the Dude was going to respond with "Well it's your lucky day, I have some gasoline right here".

(Source: 2)